Favorite line I cut from a story?

Thanet Creative Writers suggested we writers blog about favourite lines cut from our work. Of the list of enough platform building suggestions to last a year, that was one that I contributed so I had better write about it.

This excerpt is a passage that I think is really funny but I could not fit into “That story with the┬ácat in it“. This is a passage poking fun at how universally unlikeable the Dave character is.

It is a little know fact that in every version of reality there is a single person who is the most annoying, most creepy, and frankly outright tedious human being on the planet. This person is almost always called Dave. Some Daves are amazing, some save lives, or help children learn to read, or stick by you as the ideal friend, some help you get promoted, or climb mountains. There are Daves in all walks of life being amazing. This is because, on some primal level, they are trying to compensate for that one Dave that no one likes. These other Daves do this not because of any innate goodness but out of shear embarrassment. It is also, theorised that they might otherwise fall to the darkside, becoming pale imitations of the prime Dave. The prime Dave is a universal constant and lives blissfully unaware that everyone he ever meets would like him to fall under a bus. Unfortunately, that Dave lived next door.

If Dave had been a gay porn film he would have had all the homoerotic undertones of a side salad and been about as titillating as old rice pudding. At least you could have grabbed the popcorn and enjoyed him slash it ironically. No such luck, in the case. The only thing about Dave that it was possible to enjoy was his prolonged absence.

I actually liked this so much that I have considered writing a stand alone piece just so I can use it. The insult involving a side salad comes from The Fictional Dictionary of Bad Language.

Have you ever had to cut a line you loved?

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